Saturday, June 22, 2013

The freedom of "before."

In just over two weeks, on July 9th, my first novel, SPIRAL, will be available for download! Part of me is eagerly counting the days. Part of me is terrified. And part of me is just sort of … enjoying this time. I’ve done the writing, revising, editing, and polishing. I commissioned the cover and am thrilled with it. I have a fantastic team supporting me. I’ve set things in motion and now they’re rolling. But nothing’s happening *quite* yet.

Now all I have is possibility.

In my more anxious moments, I’d call it “uncertainty.” There’s no real way to know if people will want to read this book. I put my heart into it. I love these characters and feel for them. But who knows how others will receive it? If I let myself (and sometimes I do), I’d be hand-wringing. OMG, what if they hate it? What if they don’t even notice it’s there?!?

When I’m feeling more optimistic, though, I don’t dwell on the negative parts of the unknown. Instead, I focus on that possibility. This book is like Silver Linings Playbook meets Grey’s Anatomy! It could find its readers, maybe some fans, maybe people who want to read my next book and my next.

There’s a freedom in these last few days before publication, in all the blank space of the future, and I can fill that vacuum with all my hopes and dreams. There’s no pressure right now. No one’s paying attention. No one’s waiting for this book to come out except for me (and the friends and colleagues who are rooting for it). No one has any expectations because I’m brand new to this scene. No one hates my writing or loves it. Clean slate. It’ll never be that way again, not really, not after July 9th.

So, while I’m blisteringly excited about sharing SPIRAL with readers, I am also taking time to enjoy the “before.”

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